Untold hurts

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.
-Bryant McGill

To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return you will receive untold peace and happiness.
-Robert Muller

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry about whether or not they understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in it’s own way and time.
-Sara Paddison

Forgiveness.

Something that sounds so lovely and divine.

Something that quite possibly is one of the hardest things to do.

I wonder why that is. Someone inflicts pain upon us, in our hearts, and we…

a: take it and hold it in then maybe deal with it later
b: lash out with words or actions
c:  take it in and nurse the wound until it’s a festering sore and then a scar
d: become bitter toward that person

There are several ways to deal with hurt. Those are only a few I’ve seen recently. Where did we lose ourselves? When did we become so disconnected? Is it really our place to hurt those we love, or maybe worse, those we don’t love?

And what do we do once we hurt someone we may love or not love? What do we do when we are hurt by another?

Lately in my world there has been a lack of acknowledgement and forgiveness from those around me. From myself also.

When did I become so disconnected?

There comes a point in your life when you have a situation on your hands and you are forced to look inside for strength- it may be your own, it may be something outside of you, it may be someone you love going through something which in turn effects you. You have to take a minute and find something to cling to. Whether it’s your determination and resolve, ability to compartmentalize and keep things in their boxes, pray… a lot, hold onto your significant other, cry into your pillow, escape to the woods…

You have to go back and dig deep to find out why you feel the way you do. How did you get there? Who helped you get there? What did they do… or not do? How did you react? What could have happened differently?

Why is it so hard to forgive?
Why do we enjoy holding onto our wounds and showing off our scars?

Eventually you run into a wall. Brick or otherwise. But a wall. Tall and strong and thick and scary. You stand in front of it and you have to make a choice. Hang out behind it? I mean, you helped build it, it’s a pretty secure structure… maybe it’s not so bad back here. You think,  “maybe if I hide here I can stay comfortable. Sure things aren’t great, but I don’t know what is beyond this big honking wall and that is kind of scary”. Or you look at it and walk around it and think of ways to take it down. Examine it, see the weak parts. Find a way to take it down.  Analyze it, think of the possibilties that lie beyond the wall. Accept them, and get excited, and take it down.

Brick by brick. Person by person. Wound by wound.

I don’t have answers tonight. I don’t have much, other than the insight that I’ve come to and the need to forgive and love. I wish that I could take this feeling and stuff it into the other people in my life that need to feel it. Sometimes it’s okay to feel heartbroken and use it to grow.

Die to yourself. Let it go and be free. Offer forgiveness. Offer love. And move forward.

xo- Shannon

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