So you think you can tell

Heaven from hell.
Blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a  green field  from a cold steel rain?

I swear, I can’t get enough of this song recently. At work, at home, in the car, with Mr. Horton. It’s ridiculous.

A friend of mine with whom I also work,  were talking about authors we really like and we discovered that we have Don Miller in common. I’m in love with his latest book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and while she said she couldn’t really get into it we both love Blue Like Jazz. There is a particular passage in that book that has always touched my heart and it goes a little something like this:

“There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her.”

I’ve spent a lot of time pondering on this notion of God and how He must feel when we run down the aisle without Him. While He just patiently watches and waits for us to come back. I believe it was C.S. Lewis that said – there are two kinds of people: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way.” How do you find a balance there? Clearly no one is ever going to be able to fully say “Okay God, thy will be done and I’ll go along with it.”  Even the most devout Christian has some kind of trust/faith issue at some point that interferes with that kind of devotion.

How do you completely let go and trust?

When I figure that out I’ll fill you in. Or if you know, give me some tips. Thank goodness for grace is all I have to say.

I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her…
Don Miller gives me language. I’ve always felt this, but I’ve never been able to put it into words (hence why I’m not a writer). That is one reason I love people like Lewis, Chesterton, Wordsworth. They give me language. They express it for me. When I read it, it’s like one of those – Holy Crap! I’ve always known I’ve felt like that but… man! That is just too cool – moments. Look at that, my emotions in words, on a page. It makes it more tangible. It validates my thoughts and feelings at times. Also, the relief that comes with the fact that no, I am not by any means the first or the last to struggle with something in particular.

Crazy awesome.

I’m still trying to figure some of the most basic “christian” principles out. I’m so glad to have a Father to walk me through it and to accept that I cannot trust at all times and that I will fall flat on my face and ask Him for help. I’m also so incredibly glad that He won’t turn away with an “I told you so”, He’ll reach down, help me up, and brush the dirt from my cheeks and hug me.

Kind of amazing.

Good night, friends.

xo – Shannon

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One Comment to “So you think you can tell”

  1. There’s that girl I love.

    I’m glad you’re back friend.

    Loooove you lots.

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